Thursday, September 8

Piece from Memory Lane 2: Emotional Abyss

In a life full of despair what is your only hope...if not love, then what? It is difficult to believe you have left me, left this world. In what lifetime am I to say you are my world, my life, my best friend again? If I do not believe in the afterlife, if I do not believe in fate, if I see the world for what it truly is-a sad and disgusting place, filled with little to no true purpose-I fear that I will truly lose you. Don't you see? You are the reason magic exists for me. It is you who calls the sun to wake me in the morning. It is you who asks the moon to guide me at night. It is you who gathers the stars to keep me company. I do not believe in a lost life. I cannot and will not. Believing in such a thing would cause my own life to be lost. Admitting to such an idea would be suicide all over again.
I would be throwing  myself into a world of despair, into an abyss of darkness that slowly rips me apart and the worst of it all would be that I feel no pain. For loss of feeling is by far worse than feelings of loss. I cannot live this way! I refuse with every fiber of my being to accept this. How can you lay there and ask me to accept this? What a coward you must have been to be unable to face me! WHY?!
Was it fear of me? Of my acceptance of you? Were you afraid I might save you? Or worse yet-join you?
It is rather regrettable that you would be the first to introduce me to the feelings of loss, regret, and despair.
I am ashamed and disappointed that I could not be enough.

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