Thursday, September 8

Piece from Memory Lane 2: Emotional Abyss

In a life full of despair what is your only hope...if not love, then what? It is difficult to believe you have left me, left this world. In what lifetime am I to say you are my world, my life, my best friend again? If I do not believe in the afterlife, if I do not believe in fate, if I see the world for what it truly is-a sad and disgusting place, filled with little to no true purpose-I fear that I will truly lose you. Don't you see? You are the reason magic exists for me. It is you who calls the sun to wake me in the morning. It is you who asks the moon to guide me at night. It is you who gathers the stars to keep me company. I do not believe in a lost life. I cannot and will not. Believing in such a thing would cause my own life to be lost. Admitting to such an idea would be suicide all over again.
I would be throwing  myself into a world of despair, into an abyss of darkness that slowly rips me apart and the worst of it all would be that I feel no pain. For loss of feeling is by far worse than feelings of loss. I cannot live this way! I refuse with every fiber of my being to accept this. How can you lay there and ask me to accept this? What a coward you must have been to be unable to face me! WHY?!
Was it fear of me? Of my acceptance of you? Were you afraid I might save you? Or worse yet-join you?
It is rather regrettable that you would be the first to introduce me to the feelings of loss, regret, and despair.
I am ashamed and disappointed that I could not be enough.

Piece from Memory Lane: Madman

I was excited, thrilled that we were alive. Then I saw her standing there and a hunger I had never known before took over. Before I could warn her my lips were pressed against her. She moaned against them; whether in protest or in arousal, I did not know. I wrapped my arms around her waist to pull her close to me. I wanted her to feel the extent of my excitement. I felt her arms slide around my neck. Her body finding its comfortable position against mine. The pleasure of her body against mine...I needed more. I needed skin. With my free hand I tore her blouse open exposing her breasts. Yes, I was hungry-starved for her! Her head fell back as she opened herself up to my attacks. Her breathing came in higher. Her moaning would only arouse me more. I sucked on her nipples, tasting the sweat. I wanted to take my time devouring every piece of her but my body froze at the touch of her fingers on my pelvis. She tickled my pubic hair lightly touching me. I couldn't wait! I'd go crazy if I didn't taker her then. I thanked the idiot who invented skirts. I ripped her lace panties and positioned myself on to of her. I paused to ask for her permission. Even with all my urgency I wouldn't finish if she did not approve. Her eyes met mine. Before I could utter a word she thrust her hips in response and I entered her. And I became lost. I was a madman. 

Cleaning out Memory Lane

I am not a very clean person...I guess I should say I'm a very lazy person. I've perfected the art of procrastination actually. Friends and family sometimes give me a hard time about it. I work, I know how to cook, clean, even sow a button, hell I've even mastered balancing my check book. Buuuut, I'm lazy. I feel that if I'm not serious about being an adult it isn't really necessary for me to do all that. If my bills are paid and a roof is over my head, is it necessary for me to do all that other stuff? Besides, nowadays you can pay other adults to do the adulting for you. Right, so why do I bring this up? Well...I don't have the money to pay other adults to clean my house. So, I'm forced to do it on my own. 
I am not sure if most of you do this but I do what is called a bulk cleaning. It doesn't mean I clean a lot of rooms at once. No, on the contrary, I clean one room at a time. However, I wait until every square of it is unlivable. For example, in the kitchen I have more than one dish, I wait until I have used them all before I decide to wash the entire pile. Two days ago it was my bedroom. I managed to use all of my clothes and leave it on my bed. Making the closet empty and my bed full. My dressers were stocked with junk. I had a lot of receipts. Apparently I had gotten it in my head to save them for tax season but I'm not good at organizing them so I decided to throw them out. Besides, you never know when you need them for proof. Am I the only one that gets nervous throwing something away knowing the minute you do you're going to need it? As I was saying my room was a complete mess and the B.O. was getting uncomfortable. (Masturbating didn't help.) I gritted my teeth and got off my lazy ass to clean. Tore the room apart and assembled it back together again. It was great! Not really. I found out that I keep a lot of receipts. I found a lot of things I thought I had lost. I found a bra-don't know who the owner is on that one but she has very large breasts. The final thing I found was some writing pieces. I thought I had lost them. I broke up with my SO a year ago. I'm sure I'll write about it here at some point, that's a very fun story. I was a different person while I was going through it. Writing and drawing became a thing after drinking started to become a problem-for the people around me more than for me. I believe people force themselves to forget tragedies of their past, lucky for me it works. I can only imagine the person I was when I wrote this. But I wanted to share two pieces with you. I hope you enjoy...

Mind Adventures

When I was younger I wanted to have an adventure. I had watched so many movies. Other than speaking fluent movie quotes I'm pretty good at remembering and recreating full scenes. I'm a total hit at parties. My friends will tell you. As I was saying, childhood-adventures. I didn't want to give up information about myself but for the sake of this story I feel it is crucial for you to know the era I grew up in. I grew up in the 90's. I am that 90's child. All the movies were out. The stars were barely getting started. I grew up on Bruce Willis, Star Wars, Stephen King, Tom Hanks, and the beginnings of Anime. I remember staying up late watching Outlaw Star and Gundam Wing, thinking there's got to be more to life than just work and no play. I was in my head most of the time as a kid. Dreaming up weird scenarios in my head. Looking back now I wonder if that was normal?
I would picture myself going to school. The day would start of regular. Bell rings, signaling all the students to get inside for another long boring educational day. Then for absolutely no reason there would be a dance off. I don't remember the details but it would go something like this:
Me: "Hey, play that beat one more time."
Popular Student: "What you gonna do?"
*Music Starts*
Now, as a grown adult, I've learned to dance but back then. In those days?! I had 3 left feet and a duck leg. But in my head, oh, you'd think that I had invented all those cool moves that even now I don't know the name of. Picture a little kid walking down the street and an eerie smile plastered on that bastard's face. That was me. My smile was due to every boy and girl in my class- in my imaginary class-being impressed with my dancing skills. But it gets better! While everyone in my head is chanting my name, suddenly the school gets invaded, by none other than secret spies who know cool karate moves!
They found me! Suddenly, my secret identity of being a secret spy was uncovered. Now, I'm fighting for my life and the life of every kid at my school! It gets crazy! I suddenly knew how to fight and handle guns and do awesome impossible flips and stunts. Nobody is hurt during this attack, of course. I'm too good to have anybody killed, but I want it to be as realistic as possible so I throw in some injured teachers. Fuck it! Suddenly, all the kids are asking me to help them, and telling me I'm their only hope.
By the time I got to school I was so fucking hyped up it was hard to pay attention. I kept looking out the window waiting for the music to come on so that I could show those nerds my famous moves that only existed in my mind. The music never came on. The ninja spies never attacked. I never got to show anyone my awesome abilities. I spent most of my years in school coming up with new stories. Each story adding on new detail and new plot twists. I think over the course of 21 (I started at age 7) I had over 117 stories. Some intertwined and others were short stories. Finally as an adult I decided to dust off my mental cobwebs and put them down in writing. Which is what my other blog will contain; stories from my childhood imagination.
With in most of my stories there are two or three characters you'll see a lot and they're always the same. First is Shadow. He's quiet, tall, full of muscles. He has gold eyes, long black hair, sometimes it's straight sometimes it's in waves. He's the strong silent type. Shadow doesn't talk to anyone other than his childhood friend Ez. He's like an overprotective brother. He has telepathic abilities as well as others. In some stories you do find out that he is a demon. I'm not sure why but I liked Shadow when I created him and tried to add him into every story. His age changes to fit the story. Maybe I'll draw him for you one day.
Second you meet is Haiku. I really liked that type of poem which is why I named him that. Haiku is Asian. His hair is short and spiky. He has a tone build to him. Black eyes, tan skin, average height. Haiku is usually an officer or a real do-gooder. He's usually considered the outsider. He is loyal and charming. Haiku stands up for those who can't. He can't walk away from a damsel in distress. He doesn't have much money, he isn't really popular, and he likes his liquor. Haiku has the bad boy persona that all woman love to date but never bring home to their mother.
Last but not least is obviously a woman. If it wasn't obvious then it is now. She goes by many names as I can't get a good name for her. Currently she goes by the name of Ez. She is mysterious, loud, and very aggressive.  Ez doesn't have huge breasts and a tiny waist. She's actually pretty fit and very intelligent. She likes people to think she's stupid. Ez has the personality of a thief. She steals jewels, identities, and hearts. It isn't known if she is Shadow's sidekick or if he is hers but they are the closest friends you'll ever know. I do believe there were some feelings at one point but nothing happened between them. Haiku has a crush on her most of the time.
I hope you enjoy that blog, when you get to it.

Please visit my other blog: