Sunday, October 9

My Brother Jaysus

I want to start off by thanking everyone who took the time to read this. It means a lot. It's hard to keep blogging. Most bloggers have a theme, videos, or how-to guides. I'm just bitching about life to an anonymous audience because I can't find anyone else to listen to me. (LAWL)
So since I decided to write a blog, I've been trying to think hard about what to write about. I figure this is sort of like a meetup group. I'm in a room with a bunch of strangers and I'm trying to get to know everyone with as many funny stories as I can think of. But everyone wants to talk about politics and smart shit that has nothing to do with having a good time. While I do enjoy an intelligent conversation, I try to have those when I'm not fucking drinking in a bar and I can't hear the other person let alone think up a proper argument. From now on, imagine we're in a bar when I'm telling you this shit. Why? Because you should read my stories with a glass of whiskey or wine or beer, it makes them more memorable. Don't drink tequila. I'll tell you which stories require tequila-be it in shots or mixed drink. Alright, did you get your choice of drink? Good. For this blog I'd like to introduce you to my brother, Jaysus.
Jaysus isn't his name. Jaysus-pronounced GEEZUS-is what I say every time I think of my interactions with him. Thus, to secure his stupidity....I mean identity. Whatever, he's a dick. I should've named him that, but I don't want people getting the wrong idea. Let's see, where do I start with Jaysus? I should provide facts first, right? Right!
Fact: He has 3 kids. 1 boy, 1 girl, and a third to be determined.
Fact: He is 30 years old and his birthday is in November.
Fact: He is my older brother.
Okay, so those are facts. Here is everything else I've learned while dealing with my brother. As any other sibling, I've fought with Jaysus plenty of times. Fist fights between siblings are common, at least for me. I called his ex-girlfriend a bitch once for leaving him while he was in jail for something he didn't even do. And he countered with a right hook. Another time, I asked him if he had guy friends because he was always around girls. He proceeded to fight with me because I had called him gay. No, you didn't read that wrong. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Hey, you're always hanging out with girls and going out with them. Don't you have an guy friends?
Jaysus: *Jimmies Rustled* Fuck you!
Me: What?
Jaysus: *In my face now* I know what you're trying to fucking say!

What proceeded after that was him making threats with raised fists. As the younger sibling, I'll admit I was a bit afraid. But I'm not one to back down; that ain't how my daddy raised me. So, a fight ensued. Point of the story is Jaysus is a brute with anger problems, who might be gay himself but hasn't come to terms with it yet. That being said, I distanced myself from him because he's just too much to deal with. But of course, family is family. So, when we all come to Ma's house, we all get together and "talk." Over the weekend, my brother came over with his new girlfriend. He calls her his wife. She's nineteen and pregnant with my brother's child. On top of all of this, his super brute ego wouldn't be complete with out his bulky muscles and super neato abs. Think of any douche and that is Jaysus, except he skips leg days. So, douche up top, bones down below. (He says he doesn't want to work them out because he wants to keep his agility. Don't fucking ask me. I'm just telling you what he said.)
My brother, doesn't eat anything with out meat. I say this because there was no meat the day he decided to visit. Instead, he wanted to eat out and spend money he didn't have. He wanted pizza. My eldest sister wanted to go with and of course I wanted to go too. My nephew also wanted to go. We were off to get pizza; my sister, Jaysus, my nephew, and myself. Everything was going fine. My sister and Jaysus were bonding over the fact that they didn't like Black People. Because Black People were bad and ignorant and just didn't care about anything.
To which I interrupted to advise them that maybe it wasn't Black People they didn't like. Maybe it was the uneducated, impoverished citizens that don't know any better. I provided examples of educated, well-spoken Black People that plenty people-even themselves-admired. I told them, they shouldn't label past negative experiences as Black People, that's what's causing so much racism now. This was received with jokes and ignorance. They told me to stop sounding so robotic. So, I closed my mouth and allowed them to proceed in their racist hate. It gets better.
When we finally got to Naples Pizza the real discussion began. Before I continue, I have to say I've never known why I can not have a political discussion. I never knew why I couldn't discuss my opinions openly and listen to other's point of view. That day, I realized why. It began with a story about my cousin's son. Jaysus, didn't know the kid was gay. He found out when he bumped into the kid by accident at a restaurant. Jaysus was disgusted to the point of not wanting to be touched by my cousin's son. I'm not sure I understood what was being said at that moment so I didn't respond. My sister proceeded to tell us of the day my cousin confided in her to tell my sister the kid was gay.
My cousin (a lesbian herself): Do you think I did something wrong?
My sister(then): No
My brother and sister(Now): Yes
Me:No
We waited in silence and looked at each other. I couldn't understand what I was hearing. My brother, who has a new found love for Jesus, decided to quote the Bible. His argument was that God created Man for Woman. Thus, same sex couples are just wrong. Second, was that people can choose to be gay. If you tell your child from a young age to hang out with the same sex, they'll grow up thinking they like the same sex. What?! Fucking, what?!  Jaysus went on to say that he looked this up online. He did his research. He read online articles on it. It is all part of neuro-psychology (His words). Third, and this was truly the best, Jaysus believed that even gay people knew it was bad and that's why they hid for so long.
I tried to tell them that the reason they hid was out of fear of being hurt and outcast. Not because they thought they were living a bad life but because everyone around them did. It's like they (my siblings) didn't know what horrors gay people had to endure. My sister refuted my statement by saying that if they wanted to be normal why were they trying to have a relationship like a man and a woman? I don't even know what that fucking means. I tried again by saying, they're not trying to be like a man and a woman. To which they both screamed, yes they do! "Why do they want to be married then?" Gee, I don't know maybe because you marry the person you fucking love! It went on for a few moments, it was impossible to get through to them. They believed they won the argument with God.
Jaysus last words: Some people don't believe in religion because they think it is based on fact. But it it's not. It's based on Faith and Faith can't be proven wrong.

How the fuck do you argue with that? You don't. You keep a small place in your heart for people this idiotic, especially when they're family. You hope one day they will see the truth. But for the most part if you can't educate them, you keep them away from your children so they don't influence them. Unfortunately, he has 3 kids. So, your children might encounter my brother's children one day...and that is a scary thought. If you're thinking this is sad, I fucking told you to get some liquor. You thought I was fucking kidding.
Going to college I realized there were still a lot of ignorant people who thought like this. But I never imagined I'd be related to them! This shit is so depressing. I didn't have any respect for him to begin with. What's less than no respect? Probably, how he feels about gay people. Shit, man.
Everyone's family is fucked up, on the bright side he is only 1 of six. I'll tell you more about the others later.

Thursday, September 8

Piece from Memory Lane 2: Emotional Abyss

In a life full of despair what is your only hope...if not love, then what? It is difficult to believe you have left me, left this world. In what lifetime am I to say you are my world, my life, my best friend again? If I do not believe in the afterlife, if I do not believe in fate, if I see the world for what it truly is-a sad and disgusting place, filled with little to no true purpose-I fear that I will truly lose you. Don't you see? You are the reason magic exists for me. It is you who calls the sun to wake me in the morning. It is you who asks the moon to guide me at night. It is you who gathers the stars to keep me company. I do not believe in a lost life. I cannot and will not. Believing in such a thing would cause my own life to be lost. Admitting to such an idea would be suicide all over again.
I would be throwing  myself into a world of despair, into an abyss of darkness that slowly rips me apart and the worst of it all would be that I feel no pain. For loss of feeling is by far worse than feelings of loss. I cannot live this way! I refuse with every fiber of my being to accept this. How can you lay there and ask me to accept this? What a coward you must have been to be unable to face me! WHY?!
Was it fear of me? Of my acceptance of you? Were you afraid I might save you? Or worse yet-join you?
It is rather regrettable that you would be the first to introduce me to the feelings of loss, regret, and despair.
I am ashamed and disappointed that I could not be enough.

Piece from Memory Lane: Madman

I was excited, thrilled that we were alive. Then I saw her standing there and a hunger I had never known before took over. Before I could warn her my lips were pressed against her. She moaned against them; whether in protest or in arousal, I did not know. I wrapped my arms around her waist to pull her close to me. I wanted her to feel the extent of my excitement. I felt her arms slide around my neck. Her body finding its comfortable position against mine. The pleasure of her body against mine...I needed more. I needed skin. With my free hand I tore her blouse open exposing her breasts. Yes, I was hungry-starved for her! Her head fell back as she opened herself up to my attacks. Her breathing came in higher. Her moaning would only arouse me more. I sucked on her nipples, tasting the sweat. I wanted to take my time devouring every piece of her but my body froze at the touch of her fingers on my pelvis. She tickled my pubic hair lightly touching me. I couldn't wait! I'd go crazy if I didn't taker her then. I thanked the idiot who invented skirts. I ripped her lace panties and positioned myself on to of her. I paused to ask for her permission. Even with all my urgency I wouldn't finish if she did not approve. Her eyes met mine. Before I could utter a word she thrust her hips in response and I entered her. And I became lost. I was a madman. 

Cleaning out Memory Lane

I am not a very clean person...I guess I should say I'm a very lazy person. I've perfected the art of procrastination actually. Friends and family sometimes give me a hard time about it. I work, I know how to cook, clean, even sow a button, hell I've even mastered balancing my check book. Buuuut, I'm lazy. I feel that if I'm not serious about being an adult it isn't really necessary for me to do all that. If my bills are paid and a roof is over my head, is it necessary for me to do all that other stuff? Besides, nowadays you can pay other adults to do the adulting for you. Right, so why do I bring this up? Well...I don't have the money to pay other adults to clean my house. So, I'm forced to do it on my own. 
I am not sure if most of you do this but I do what is called a bulk cleaning. It doesn't mean I clean a lot of rooms at once. No, on the contrary, I clean one room at a time. However, I wait until every square of it is unlivable. For example, in the kitchen I have more than one dish, I wait until I have used them all before I decide to wash the entire pile. Two days ago it was my bedroom. I managed to use all of my clothes and leave it on my bed. Making the closet empty and my bed full. My dressers were stocked with junk. I had a lot of receipts. Apparently I had gotten it in my head to save them for tax season but I'm not good at organizing them so I decided to throw them out. Besides, you never know when you need them for proof. Am I the only one that gets nervous throwing something away knowing the minute you do you're going to need it? As I was saying my room was a complete mess and the B.O. was getting uncomfortable. (Masturbating didn't help.) I gritted my teeth and got off my lazy ass to clean. Tore the room apart and assembled it back together again. It was great! Not really. I found out that I keep a lot of receipts. I found a lot of things I thought I had lost. I found a bra-don't know who the owner is on that one but she has very large breasts. The final thing I found was some writing pieces. I thought I had lost them. I broke up with my SO a year ago. I'm sure I'll write about it here at some point, that's a very fun story. I was a different person while I was going through it. Writing and drawing became a thing after drinking started to become a problem-for the people around me more than for me. I believe people force themselves to forget tragedies of their past, lucky for me it works. I can only imagine the person I was when I wrote this. But I wanted to share two pieces with you. I hope you enjoy...

Mind Adventures

When I was younger I wanted to have an adventure. I had watched so many movies. Other than speaking fluent movie quotes I'm pretty good at remembering and recreating full scenes. I'm a total hit at parties. My friends will tell you. As I was saying, childhood-adventures. I didn't want to give up information about myself but for the sake of this story I feel it is crucial for you to know the era I grew up in. I grew up in the 90's. I am that 90's child. All the movies were out. The stars were barely getting started. I grew up on Bruce Willis, Star Wars, Stephen King, Tom Hanks, and the beginnings of Anime. I remember staying up late watching Outlaw Star and Gundam Wing, thinking there's got to be more to life than just work and no play. I was in my head most of the time as a kid. Dreaming up weird scenarios in my head. Looking back now I wonder if that was normal?
I would picture myself going to school. The day would start of regular. Bell rings, signaling all the students to get inside for another long boring educational day. Then for absolutely no reason there would be a dance off. I don't remember the details but it would go something like this:
Me: "Hey, play that beat one more time."
Popular Student: "What you gonna do?"
*Music Starts*
Now, as a grown adult, I've learned to dance but back then. In those days?! I had 3 left feet and a duck leg. But in my head, oh, you'd think that I had invented all those cool moves that even now I don't know the name of. Picture a little kid walking down the street and an eerie smile plastered on that bastard's face. That was me. My smile was due to every boy and girl in my class- in my imaginary class-being impressed with my dancing skills. But it gets better! While everyone in my head is chanting my name, suddenly the school gets invaded, by none other than secret spies who know cool karate moves!
They found me! Suddenly, my secret identity of being a secret spy was uncovered. Now, I'm fighting for my life and the life of every kid at my school! It gets crazy! I suddenly knew how to fight and handle guns and do awesome impossible flips and stunts. Nobody is hurt during this attack, of course. I'm too good to have anybody killed, but I want it to be as realistic as possible so I throw in some injured teachers. Fuck it! Suddenly, all the kids are asking me to help them, and telling me I'm their only hope.
By the time I got to school I was so fucking hyped up it was hard to pay attention. I kept looking out the window waiting for the music to come on so that I could show those nerds my famous moves that only existed in my mind. The music never came on. The ninja spies never attacked. I never got to show anyone my awesome abilities. I spent most of my years in school coming up with new stories. Each story adding on new detail and new plot twists. I think over the course of 21 (I started at age 7) I had over 117 stories. Some intertwined and others were short stories. Finally as an adult I decided to dust off my mental cobwebs and put them down in writing. Which is what my other blog will contain; stories from my childhood imagination.
With in most of my stories there are two or three characters you'll see a lot and they're always the same. First is Shadow. He's quiet, tall, full of muscles. He has gold eyes, long black hair, sometimes it's straight sometimes it's in waves. He's the strong silent type. Shadow doesn't talk to anyone other than his childhood friend Ez. He's like an overprotective brother. He has telepathic abilities as well as others. In some stories you do find out that he is a demon. I'm not sure why but I liked Shadow when I created him and tried to add him into every story. His age changes to fit the story. Maybe I'll draw him for you one day.
Second you meet is Haiku. I really liked that type of poem which is why I named him that. Haiku is Asian. His hair is short and spiky. He has a tone build to him. Black eyes, tan skin, average height. Haiku is usually an officer or a real do-gooder. He's usually considered the outsider. He is loyal and charming. Haiku stands up for those who can't. He can't walk away from a damsel in distress. He doesn't have much money, he isn't really popular, and he likes his liquor. Haiku has the bad boy persona that all woman love to date but never bring home to their mother.
Last but not least is obviously a woman. If it wasn't obvious then it is now. She goes by many names as I can't get a good name for her. Currently she goes by the name of Ez. She is mysterious, loud, and very aggressive.  Ez doesn't have huge breasts and a tiny waist. She's actually pretty fit and very intelligent. She likes people to think she's stupid. Ez has the personality of a thief. She steals jewels, identities, and hearts. It isn't known if she is Shadow's sidekick or if he is hers but they are the closest friends you'll ever know. I do believe there were some feelings at one point but nothing happened between them. Haiku has a crush on her most of the time.
I hope you enjoy that blog, when you get to it.






Please visit my other blog:
shadowtrilogy.blogspot.com

Tuesday, August 30

Making Dreams Come True

    It's my first attempt at a blog, so do forgive the topics and horrible grammar. Lucky for you and me, I don't write the way I speak. Although, I do curse a lot. Cursing makes things funny, though, otherwise why would South Park be so fucking popular. I have a cursing problem, also I drink a lot, and I act like a huge fucking kid most of the fucking time. I haven't been able to Adult correctly since I turned 18. Honestly, I think Adults are just a myth of the past. My parents are Adults. My mother can cook from scratch, and clean any space in the house in less than 30 minutes flat. My father knows what hard work is. He sleeps, eats, and works. That's been his entire life since the 3rd Grade. I remember few moments with him. He's not dead or anything, he just works all the fucking time. Works the third shift and shit. 
   Me on the other hand, I'm living fucking royalty. We were never rich. Shit, I still live in the worst part of this city. (#HOODLIFE) Yet, looking back now, I was the richest fucking kid in the world. All I needed was cereal, and Saturday cartoons. I was a nerd so some books here and there wouldn't hurt. Then Adulthood came out of nowhere, talking about responsibilities and shit. It's exhausting and confusing and annoying. I've gone through some shit. Bad shit, good shit, long shit, hard shit, soft shit, shit that seems okay but turns out to be not okay, and shit that is pretty amazing. Now at the age that I am I'm finally starting to figure out my own shit. Like, I want to be a writer. Not just any writer, a fucking awesome-legit-fucking writer. After procrastinating for about 3 years (seriously, 3 fucking years), I finally got some ideas as well as pointers on starting a blog. 
  So, I hope you support and enjoy my writing. If it gives you a laugh or something to relate to I'll be happy enough with that. I'll let you know right now, I'm weird and random. My writing is all of me, because I pour myself into it. Which is why, I want to refrain from revealing anything about my identity. I want to be created through my blog. I want you to see me with out sexual orientation, gender, or religion. Apparently those are three factors that support biased fans. Alright, that's all I have for my first blog. It'll be a slow start but I'll get it going. Also, I wasn't kidding when I said I was weird, for all those that do know who I am I'd like to formally welcome you inside my head. ;)